Some pretty pictures on the bottom.
Well, my plans for the break flopped. I ended up lying in bed, drinking medicated tea, coughing, watching Law&Order and worrying about homework I couldn't do. You know why it's ok? Because I finished everything anyway in the past two days. I want a real break though. =[
The reason I'm posting another journal is because I have a guitar question, so guitarists, listen up! I've been trying to play Green Day's Holiday on my acoustic, and I feel lost. I've figured out the chords, but my issue is the strumming pattern. Does it go down down up down down? ("hear the sound of the falling rain...") Youtube covers aren't helping me much.
December is on its way. I feel that starting August, time has been flying by even faster. I usually flip my calendar to the next month a day before it starts, but what I'm starting to realize is that the last day still matters, even if it's of the old. Today is still a day, even if it's a day for me to do homework and listen to good music.
Speaking of homework....
because that subject occupies half of my brain...
I've got enough colleges in mind now to stop worrying that I don't have enough options. I'm not even applying for a year, but I like to plan ahead.
Top choice - UC Berkeley
Lottery/"what if?"- Standford
Safe backup - San Francisco State
Another option - University of Oregon
Another option - Reed College, Oregon.
Honestly, the option of colleges outside of California terrifies and excites me. I think I'd like Oregon, but moving there would mean being the only one I know in a whole state. I'm only keeping that as an option in case I don't get accepted to UC Berkeley or Standford. I've been drooling over San Francisco and Berkeley for so long, I'd feel strange willingly leaving this place at seventeen. As for Stanford, I'll write a killer essay. There's talk of that college looking for individuals isntead of rich kids. If I get accepted, I'll go... even if the college is in the middle of nowhere.
Speaking of the "middle of nowhere",
Lyrics of the day
"I haven’t slept a single night in over a month,
Not even once did you start to make sense to me.
Well, maybe I’m a little bit slow,
I’m just consistently inconsistent
She said unpredictability’s my responsibility baby.
But you’re waiting at the door,
Where everybody’s hanging out just like they hung out before,
You didn’t have to do it but you did it to say
That you didn’t have to do it but you would, anyway,
To give you something to go on,
When I go off
Back to the middle of nowhere
Back to the middle of nowhere."

...I can see where I am going."
I thought I'd make use of my the free journal skin. I'll feature some deviations I like in the end. I wouldn't say the following is lifechanging, but I find it very interesting. I got a D on my AP Chemistry test, which is my first D. Surprisingly, I felt such relief when I got my test back because... the world didn't end, and I, all of the sudden, did not become a bad person. I cried when I got home because I realized I probably won't get an A in the class this semester. Then, I realized that the world won't end because of that either.

This applies to what I've been feeling overall... I think that as we grow up, we begin to understand that life isn't a staircase, in which the only way to go is up at an even pace, and that's it actually consists of running blindfolded through a field of tall grass at night. That's what I felt like inside. Here's something more interesting - I'm happy that it is this way. I'm happy that everything is overwhelming, wild, complicated, and beautiful at the same time.

I came home sick today. I finished a huge Honors English project/presentation for One Flew Over the Cuckoo's nest and then shut down completely. I'm still feeling very nauseous at times, and I think my body is trying to show me I need to relax. That's what I'm doing this break. I'll finally finish Grapes of Wrath, practice guitar, go other places...

I saw Where the Wild Things Are. I recommend you go see that movie. It was seriously amazing. It captured so much of what I've been thinking about, and it has so much great symbolism. Basically, here is what I saw in that movie.
1. You can't run from yourself. No matter how much you rebel or change your situation, you're still you. You can't hide anything.
2. Life has no heroes. Everybody breaks down, everybody is annoying, imperfect, and hard to handle. We love and choose to deal with those people anyway.
3. There was a scene in the movie, when Max was running in his animal suit on a street, I felt like that captured a feeling that I've been rambling about on and on and on lately. That desperate hopeful "run wherever to catch what you don't know but want badly" feeling.

Another thing I want to mention... Have you guys thought that absolutely everybody on earth has problems, that everybody thinks and worries before they go to sleep, that very many people don't understand each other but want to... Some people share and some simply don't.

It's raining. A very fat squirrel is looking at me through the window. =]

Lyrics of the day
"So what if nothing is safe,
So what if no one is saved,
No matter how sweet,
No matter how brave,
What if each to his own lonely grave,
I don't want to live without you."